May 2013
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So you know that moment where you’re like 78% sure your friend of 4 years, who’s close friends with your recent ex and has been in a relationship for 5 years, is trying to have sex with you? But you can’t quite tell, but you’re pretty sure.
Are those robotic koalas in the jungle?
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Kid: I heard it was great... So you're just not going to go see it because of what people say?
Me: I mean, I'm not going to pay to see it because of what they say.
Kid: Well, what if I bought your ticket- what if we went and I paid?
Me: But... but that would be weird?
Kid: What? Why would that be weird? I'm sorry that would be weird for you, but it wouldn't be weird.
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Oh Ike Clanton, you so good with the jokes.
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erkwaterberg replied to your post: Sometimes I think I should stop facebooking drunk…
That’s how Jesse and I hooked up. So go for it girl
Then I shall drunk message away.
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I’m pretty sure the appropriate feeling for it being your two year anniversary exactly 2 weeks after you broke up is sadness, but I’m just extremely anxious instead. Today’s going to be weird. I don’t want to go to work. I just want to sit around petting cats all day.
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Sometimes I think I should stop facebooking drunk and then I remember it’s Saturday night, and what else am I gonna do?
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This girl keeps telling me that the only thing vegans can’t do right is cheese, but like, I love vegan cheese. And then she had some of my mac and cheese and was like “oh my god, that’s delicious. Can’t be vegan though. Love cheese. Vegans can’t do cheese.”
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I’m pretty sure the worst part of hanging out with people is now I have to put pants back on.
I want to listen to bump and grind but I don’t want it to be stuck in my head for weeks.
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I really have to pee.
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April 2013
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I’m starting to see why people do these things over the phone. Over the phone, if they’re sleeping, you just call back later and then have awkward, serious words with them. Now I’m trapped ‘til he wakes up because I don’t want to be a douche and wake him up after less than 4 hours of sleep.
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The other day I was closing beer and one of the stockers comes up and goes, “Hey guys, are you allowed to walk around the park smoking weed? …I just saw that guy up there in the black shirt walking around smoking a joint.”
But like, he just honestly wasn’t sure if it was against the rules or not. I mean, we’re not Disney, but we’re not illegal laid back.
February 2013
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One of the stockers at work walked into our storage room and our busser was standing in there with his shoes off. So, our stocker was like “uh, whatcha doing?” “Kung fu stuff.” “Oh… Why are your shoes off?” “How else am I gonna do it?”
How do I get my cat to understand that this is more of moment between me and the donut, not me and him?
It’s a Gilmore Girls kind of night.
I’m only still at this party because I’m waiting to be sober enough to drive to del taco.
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January 2013
The manager at my interview today asked me if I lived with my sister (she serves there). When I said yes however, he told me it was far away and he liked his employees to live closer. Like, what? I live with one of your employees?
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sssquid replied to your post: I was walking to my car right as one of my…
That’s why people don’t like us here.
You know, I always wondered about that until now.
Jesse, your laptop hates the wifi again as of a couple days ago. It’s doing the same thing it did before, but it’d been working fine for the last week or two.
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I was walking to my car right as one of my neighbors was going to her mailbox. She looked directly at me, so I smiled in an attempt to be polite but she just widened her eyes, quickly looked away and started walking faster to the mailbox. I was just thinking “what the hell is her problem?” as I set the hammer (in case I have to beat my starter) in the backseat and then I realized that...
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I can’t find the villager who wanted paper for emeralds! What if he fell down their ridiculously deep well?! How will I trade that other guy emeralds for boots?!
